March 29, 2009

Kids, Tell Us What You Really Think


The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"


A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence,"I think I'd throw up."


A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?"


A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been Learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"

One child blurted out, "Aces!"


Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.

Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his Mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"


A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,

"The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."


The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"So, how come He doesn't?" she asked.


A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?"

The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"


During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?"

Tommy answered soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!"


A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. "Yes, sir." the boy replied.

"And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked.

"No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime."


When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).

For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "All girls."

This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?"

Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying, 'All Men'!'


povertyflatsusa said...

Jan, this is getting better each time. Having pastored several churches over the years, the one about the preacher's kid asking Dad why he bowed his head is very close to home. (HA) DM

Jan said...

DM..I had no idea that you were a pastor, but I should have known.

I kinda knew you'd like these, though, and I'm glad you did! :)

Granny J said...

I truly admire the logic of the kid who figured out that with only two worms, fishing was out for Noah!

Linda G. said...

I like the one about Mom's nightly prayer! I've said that one many a time myself!
Thanks for posting these, Jan and for bringing a little lightness and laughtr into our hearts:)

Jan said...

Granny J..some adults wouldn't get the connection! :)

Jan said...

Linda..laughter really is good medicine, isn't it? :)

Roxi said...

Jan- You have an awesome humor. I agree with them all. My Baby told me you had put these on here and I have laughed so hard. Thank you so much. It was great after the day that I just had. It seems to really make my day to laugh. Most of the time when I can't focus on just my Baby and I, our life gets so messed up. But, now I can come over to your blog and laugh or think or read your wonderful stories and get to thinking more of my and my Baby. Thank you so much, Roxi

Jan said... are so kind, thank you!

I'm really glad you enjoy reading the things I come up with on here.

I appreciate it, and you and Bill, so much!

Tracy said...

This cracked me up, Jan! Thanks for posting it.

Jan said... was my pleasure! :)