March 08, 2008

Just A Bit Of Humor

In The Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth.
And the Earth was without form, and void,
And darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."

And so God created Man in His own image; Male and female.
And God looked upon Man and Woman
And saw that they were lean and fit.
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And so the Devil created McDonalds
And McDonalds brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger.
And the Devil said to Man, You want fries with that?
And Man said, Super size them.And Man gained five pounds.

And so God created the healthful fruit to go with the vegetables,
That Woman might keep her figure
But the Devil brought forth chocolate.
And Woman gained five pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's.
And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God said, "Why doth thou eatest thus? I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables,
And olive oil with which to cook them."

But the Devil brought forth chicken fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
And Man gained 10 poundsAnd his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And so God brought forth running shoes.
And Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.
And Man gained another 20 pounds.

And so God brought forth the potato,
A vegetable, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin,
And sliced the starchy center into chips,
And deep-fat fried them.
And the Devil created sour cream dip.

And Man clutched his remote control
And ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And the Devil saw and said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance.
So God made a concession, and showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken
And cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice.

And the Devil created light beer,
So Man could poison his body,
While feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz.
And Man gained another 10 pounds.

And Woman ventured forth Into the land of Godiva chocolate.
And upon returning asked Man, "Do I look fat?"
And the Devil said, "Always tell the truth."
And Man did.

And Woman went out from the presence of Man,
And dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer East of the marriage counselor.
And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this......"

And that Devil is still creating havoc. And he is still trying to get us to swallow something poisonous to our well-being, all the while making it look like it is good for us.

Hmm..I wonder if that Devil ever ran for office?

7 comments:

rockync said...

LOL! Now at least I know who to blame for these extra pounds! Great Sunday lesson, Jan.

Richard said...

Jan,

There may have been a verse left out following the one below..

'And Woman went out from the presence of Man,
And dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer East of the marriage counselor.
And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this......" '

And Man then wandered alone in the desert for 40 days, and he was desolate. He thirsted for cold beer. And he was not forgotten, for the Lord gave unto him refrigeration. And lo, he took it for he soon dwelt in the land of the studio apartment [no garage, no pets, no smoking, no laundry]. Soon he foundeth himself laundering among the women of the village to whom he gave gifts and libations. And the Man dwelt with himself. And lived in peace with his refrigeration. One day , the Man heard a voice that said unto him, "Perhaps you shall find another ex-wife among these so fair."
And lo, the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this........"

Thanks for the good read...
Richard

Jan said...

rockync..Well, blame is the name of the Devil's game, isn't it? LOL

Jan said...

"Perhaps you shall find another ex-wife among these so fair."

Richard..I think the fact that it was ANOTHER ex-wife is what made the Devil so pleased with his work! :)

Btw..I left a comment on your blog..did you notice?

JoJosho said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
k said...

That was great! I started LOL-ing halfway through and didn't stop until I was WAY done!

Thank you. I needed that.

Jan said...

k..hey, lady!

After your latest ordeal, I think a laugh will do you good! LOL