October 18, 2007

Ponderisms

*AFTER POSTING THIS LAST NIGHT, AND READING IT ON HERE TODAY, I NOW REALIZE HOW RIDICULOUS SOME OF THESE THINGS SOUND. ALSO, I NOTICED THAT TWO LINES WHICH I HAD PLANNED TO EDIT OUT, WERE STILL THERE..SO, NOW THEY ARE EDITED! IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHY I AM HOLLERING AT YOU HERE, IT IS BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW FOOLISH I FEEL FOR POSTING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

* Life is sexually transmitted.

* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

*Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

* Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

I live in my own little world. But it's OK... They know me here!

8 comments:

sue said...

I've heard these, but is fun to hear them again... I can always use a giggle!

GUYK said...

And did you ever wonder why it is when you lose something and start looking for it you always find it in the last place you looked?

rockync said...

Jan, this is a good post; it's nice to have a little light reading in the mix and I enjoyed these.

Jan said...

guyk..and isn't it funny when you go looking for your glasses and they are right there on your face? ;)

Jan said...

rockync..thanks!

It always makes me happy to know that I helped give someone a smile!

Jan said...

sue..we can always use a giggle, and you give your share of them, too!

DNR said...

Very funny!!

A biker knows why your dog sticks his head out the window while riding.

Thanks for the laugh!

Jan said...

dnr..well, of course, I knew you'd know! LOL