*AFTER POSTING THIS LAST NIGHT, AND READING IT ON HERE TODAY, I NOW REALIZE HOW RIDICULOUS SOME OF THESE THINGS SOUND. ALSO, I NOTICED THAT TWO LINES WHICH I HAD PLANNED TO EDIT OUT, WERE STILL THERE..SO, NOW THEY ARE EDITED! IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHY I AM HOLLERING AT YOU HERE, IT IS BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW FOOLISH I FEEL FOR POSTING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
* Life is sexually transmitted.
* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
*Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
* Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
I live in my own little world. But it's OK... They know me here!
8 comments:
I've heard these, but is fun to hear them again... I can always use a giggle!
And did you ever wonder why it is when you lose something and start looking for it you always find it in the last place you looked?
Jan, this is a good post; it's nice to have a little light reading in the mix and I enjoyed these.
guyk..and isn't it funny when you go looking for your glasses and they are right there on your face? ;)
rockync..thanks!
It always makes me happy to know that I helped give someone a smile!
sue..we can always use a giggle, and you give your share of them, too!
Very funny!!
A biker knows why your dog sticks his head out the window while riding.
Thanks for the laugh!
dnr..well, of course, I knew you'd know! LOL
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