October 15, 2007

Le Parlement Européen

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasability study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthousiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'.
Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.

~From a doctoral student in France~


rockync said...

LOL and so goes the English language!

Vin De Vine said...

I don't see it being much longer until an international language is adopted, and I would hope that if and when this happens they will take the time to do it right for once.

It will of course be a terrible blow to literature and poetry, again, but it will open a whole new world of literate art:

It was EOL for my <333
M8less and 555

But ur GFN or GFG
An UV and TSNF


It was the end of life for my heart
At the end of the day I got nothing
I was mateless and crying
looking for more

Tomorrow is another day, Know what I mean?
In over my head hoping to see you soon
But you are gone for now or gone for good
An unpleasant visual and that's not fair

Come back to me the sooner the better
For what it's worth I'm thinking of you
I'll see you around sooner or later
It doesn't matter at any rate I miss you so much

sue said...

Shame on you, Vin...

Jan - all I could hear in the back of my mind as I read this was "I can has cheezburger?"... the cat site. Their phrases are usually spelled as you suggest. :)

rockync said...

Vin, I hope not to be here when that universal language comes into vogue. I'd never be heard from again. Some people might not see that as a negative... :)

Jan said...

rockync..along with a lot of other things! :)

Jan said...

"but it will open a whole new world of literate art"

Vin..and a whole new world of illiteracy, probably!

Jan said...

sue...we're already seeing a lot of that..all over the place!

Jan said...

vin..what? No haiku? LOL

Anonymous said...

When I worked in NATO, French and English were the official languages. It was common to have to use a headset as a French officer spoke during a conference, so that his French could be translated into English. It was equally common to find at the end of conference party that the same officer spoke fluent English.

rockync said...

LOL hermit, kind of puts me in mind of how well some Mexicans can speak English until a cop shows up or they are in court...

Jan said...

Hermit..that must have been interesting!

Vin De Vine said...

You will find no haiku coming from my lips.
There is too much philosophy, too many rules and ritual involved for my taste.
I much prefer habachi art.
Smoked grilled short lived and savored.
I don't even go into bonsai culture because of my thumb of death mostly, but also bacause there are too many rules to trimming a tiny tree,

david santos said...

Thanks for your posting. very good.

have a good week

Jan said...

David..thank you so much.

I'm glad you dropped by...please come again!

Jan said...

Vin..I hear you! :)