From A Kid's Perspective

Kids just have the most unique way of expressing themselves. They view things from an entirely different perspective, and are most candid in their observations. Below are the answers of second graders, to questions asked by their teacher.


Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related!
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between Moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

********

I had a few funny moments with my own sons, too.

Mike, who was in kindergarten at the time, was lying on the floor, pencil in hand, toiling away at his "homework."

"Mama, how do you make an elamento?"

"Huh?"

"How do you make an elamento?"

"A what?"

"An elamento. You know, a b c d e f g...h i j k...elamento p."

It still makes me laugh!

Threads Of The Flag

Today, on the local news, I watched a young wife, with her children, and her mother-in-law, sitting on the front pew of their church, as their husband, father, and son, lay in the flag-draped coffin before them. Another brave warrior, so young, whose life is no more. A life given in service to his country. Another installment for the price of freedom--because you see, freedom really isn't free. No matter how you may feel about current events, whether we should have, or shouldn't have gone to war, we must give the honor which is due, not only to our troops, but to their families, who pay a price, too. Like it or not, we are all in this together.

The following was sent to me some time ago, and I thought that this would be the most appropriate time to share it.

A MILITARY WIFE SPEAKS

You probably didn't realize who was sitting next to you. You rattled on about how silly this anti-terrorist war is, and that it's just a political ploy. You complained about America being the world's police. You said you'd never let your son run off to fight, and you'd throw a fit if they just sent your husband off. At this point, I almost turned around and told you who I am.

I am a military spouse.

Life in the military has never been easy. It means low pay with no overtime, watching your husband go to work with a fever because the doctor didn't deem him sick enough for the day off. It means years of protocol that wear on you like a dripping faucet late at night.

We live with terms like, "Exercise," which means 12-18 hour shifts. And TDY, which means your spouse is gone for up to 180 days. And "Remotes," which means your spouse is gone for longer than 180 days. And finally, "PCS," which means your whole family is going on this ride. Don't get me wrong, whining is not my intent here.

While the road we've been down in the military has not been paved, it's been a good life. My kids know you don't want to make friends, because you never know how long they'll be here. We know how precious good friends are, even when the miles separate us. We go to live in other countries where the locals despise us. It wasn't always in Vogue to be patriotic. Sept.11 helped turn that tide, but flags are fading around here, again.

My husband is TDY right now. I'm not allowed to tell you where. I'm 26 days into a 109-day TDY. There have been too many times I've needed him here. Forget the running of the home fort--there are kisses and hugs that should be taking place.

I lie in bed, and try to recall how his breathing sounds, next to me--or I hear the door open, and try to envision him walking in from work. What I would give to hear his clear voice without the static, and wondering how much the phone call will cost us. Then the deep fear--what if this separation becomes permanent? Distance is a horrible thief of what is precious, because it only reminds us of how precious it is.

You kept talking for awhile. Then I realized I was picking up your tab. You could sit there freely, and give your opinion because of the military families like ours. We are paying the price for your freedom. I've heard it said that soldiers past, present, and future pay for the flag. Nah, we're the threads it's woven with.

Let's Talk Politics

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which he proposes to pay off with your money. G. Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. James Bovard

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from the poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. Douglas Casey, classmate of Bill Clinton

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. P.J. O’Rourke

Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. Ronald Reagan

I don’t make jokes; I just watch government and report the facts. Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free. P.J. O’Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you. Pericles (430 B.C. )

No man’s life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session. Mark Twain

Talk is cheap except when Congress does it. Unknown

The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. Mark Twain

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class… save Congress. Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. Edward Langley, artist

A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you have. Thomas Jefferson